Long Weekend

Missouri had wierd clouds, our long weekend had rain. San Jeronimo RFC had the home advantage, and a coach of their's as a ref, we had determination and amongst others, Glen on the wing who did a repeat performance of his steam roller impersonation whenever he had the ball. Anyways, taking a 22-13 lead into the home leg of the playoff can't be bad, and with a decent referee, we should be able to completely ransack the dirty sons of bitches.
If anyone has slight medical knowledge, and has heard of something that can give a bloke the sensation that he is on fire on the inside, though his skin is cool to the touch, please leave a comment and let me know, because I've been left to bake at 250degrees for the last 2 days and it's beginning to worry me. Ohh, and the first one to come up with a menopause joke gets the finger or possibly something more pain inflicting, capishe?

Bit of a shit update, but I'm struggling to type, and feel like im being spitroasted... oeerrr :P

That took long didnt it!!!

Well, that didnt take very long did it!! Came across this this morning, if anyone finds any more, email me or comment with the link, and I'll be sure to continue my death to the annoying bloody ringtone creatures campaign! I'm pleased to announce that Señor N00NchieS has decided to be the C.Ü.N.T. of the Campaign. (Campaign's Über News Transmitter) When asked about said little creatures, he had one thing to say:

"DIE FUCKERS!"

Miss Myles has decided that she's had enough late nights recently, and has taken the afternoon off work (lazy/lucky sod!!) Though we are meant to be going to this drum and bassy/housey evening that Larry is hosting tonight, but it aint till later, so she'll probably be well rested in time:
Click to biggafy

In other news, these photos were taken in Missouri recently, and apparently the clouds have meteorologists (fucking hard word to spell that is!!!!) baffled:

Is the end nigh for Missouri??!?!

Right, first of all, I'm gonna have a rant at blogger.bloodycom and firefox because I had typed a stupid amount for this post, with links to stuff etc, and then it kinda all went dead, and hung. So I use bloggers "fantastic" "Recover post" util, and guess what, IT DOES SWEET FANNY FRICKING ADAMS!.
So, I was mentioning Matt Facer's website before firefox died. It aint anything overly spectacular, but has some clever little entertaining things, like the funky fridge magnet flashery. Don't know the bloke, but stumbling upon his site has kept me slightly entertained during my slightly worse for wear day (I don't get hangovers anymore!)
Moving swiftly along, Liverpool knock Chelsea out of the Champions League (no, I wont link to their drug/arms money funded site) and come up against AC Milan in the final. We go for a "few drinks" and to watch the game, and half time comes along, and Shiv is thinking maybe Liverpool arent the team to support in her new found interest in football, as Milan are all over them, knocking in 3 goals in the first half, including a very well placed chip by Crespo. I'm winding the scouse fans up at half time (maybe not my smartest move ever!) chanting "Crespo for a hatrick, lala la laaa" etc etc. Traf was over filled, and really horribly cramped, so we moved on down to Angry Friar to watch the second half, and unless you are really that disinterested in football, or were abducted by aliens:

you know what happened next. The 'Pool knock 3 goals in in 6 minutes, it goes the distance and they win their 5th European Cup (the first in 21 years) on penalties.
The party moves to the lordy (sorry, this is gonna be sketchy, as the memories are hazy) I move onto wild turkey from the lager (ohh no!) we see some more people, drink more, I think we contemplated on the Market Tavern but cleverly decided against it.
Fastforward a few hours, I wake up with that distict "shit im so fucking late for work" feeling, check the clock on the wall of my living room, its 5 to 8... HOLD ON A MINUTE! Why am I in the living room *head spins* *thought hurts head* HOLD ON A MINUTE, what's going on here, my legs seem to be in a knot... around more legs! HOLD ON YET ANOTHER BLOODY MINUTE! *check who's legs* panic over, they're attached to Shiv. I'm missing my shirt, she's full clothed, and Im ohh so very bloody confused! Or as I briefly put it to Sam earlier, the earlier version goes:

[12:08:09] Happy :): met up for a bite to eat then lotsa beer
[12:08:26] Sam: very nice
[12:09:03] Happy :): si, was good fun
[12:09:25] Happy :): we woke up, on the sofa, legs entwined, cats
atop, fully clothed
[12:09:40] Sam: awww, drunks
[12:10:06] Happy :): yeah, innit great, will blog it later, coz its
fucking hilarious

I think I could quite possibly have still been drunk at that point.

Go check this guys cartoons out! I found this whilst looking for my aliens pic, and have had a good browse, some funny stuff :D

Hasta luego my hard rocking amigos!

Twat Wars...

Well, it most certainly has been a while since I did a proper update hasn't it. Since that time, Anakin has turned to the dark side, and two arseholes in Hemel Hempstead nearly killed themselves by impersonating Jedis/Siths.

Current Affairs!

Two people have been left with severe burns after their home-made Star Wars light sabre exploded and showered them in petrol. Mark Webb and Shelley Mandiville are thought to have filled a fluorescent tube with fuel to imitate the screen weapon.

Well, aren't you both a pair of complete and utter morons?

In other news, it seems the dark belly of the internet currently has a Robin Hood-esque situation on it's hands. News travelled fast yesterday, of a worldwide collection of hackers overcoming defenses on fake bank sites (used in 419/advanced fee fraud/fake cheque scams) and defacing them. The "Lad Wrecking Crew" are even offering wallpaper downloads for your PC of the banners they are replacing these fake bank sites with, and Netcraft have a little report on the current goings on.

I am currently totally whacked out skint, and have decided that drastic action needs to be put into place if I am ever going to get out of the red. Gonna limit myself to going out once a week, maybe one nice meal a month kind of thing, but no more silly bloody spending. I really wanna go on a decent holiday some time soon, and the only way I can afford it is to start behaving myself.

Today's Sport with Jockery McSoccery

Rugby is still going rather well, we had a team visit from Dover last week, and although I missed the game, we faired rather well against them on saturday, putting 7 or 8 tries past them to a reply of only one (so I am reliably told.) Training again tonight, and then the first leg of our playoff match to go up to the 1st division on Sunday against San Jeronimo in Seville.

Internationally, didn't the "Great" British and Irish Lions do well against the Puma's last night?! Ive always rated the Argies (putting behind us that little bit of discomfort during the year of my birth) and last night it showed why. They are one hell of a determined team, and if the Lions play like that down under, the All Blacks are gonna have a whale of a time walking all over them!

I had quite a good laugh at this earlier on, metal music genres described using a "Princess held captive by a firebreathing dragon" type analogy, have a chuckle:

HEAVY METAL:

The protagonist arrives on a Harley Davidson, kills the dragon, drinks some beers and !&$%s the princess

GRIND METAL:

The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...

POWER METAL:

The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and they make love in an enchanted forest

TRASH METAL:

The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princes and !&$%s her....... easy and quick

FOLK METAL:

The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (from all the dancing) protagonist leaves without the princess

VIKING METAL:

The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his migthy axe, cooks and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals the castle and burns the place before he leaves

DEATH METAL:

The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, !&$%s the princess and kills her, then leaves

BLACK METAL:

The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in the front of the castle.....then sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her.....then he impales the deflowered princess

GORE METAL:

The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in the front of the castle, !&$%s the princess and kills her....then he !&$%s again her dead body, slashes her belly open and eats her guts, !&$%s the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and !&$%s it for the last time

DOOM METAL:

The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks that he never could beat him, gets depressed and commits suicide....the dragon eats his body and the princess as well

PROGRESSIVE METAL:

The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo for 26 minutes, the dragon kills himself out of boredom, the protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques learned in the last year of the conservatory... the princess escapes, and is now looking for the "HEAVY METAL" protagonist

GLAM METAL:

The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter, he steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color

INDUSTRIAL METAL:

The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes an obscene gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.

You must have seen Mr Tweety Bird on TV by now, if you haven't, you lucky [expletive]!!!! Some good willed Nazi, I mean German, displays my exact sentiments with this great little piece of artistry


So when can we expect to see an axe through that fucking crazy frog's (yes, that is a FAN CLUB!!) head?

Well, firstly, this tool deserves the axing:


Ladies and Gents, Boys and Girls, meet Daniel Malmedahl, 24, from Gotenberg, Sweden (I'm working on the rest of his address!!!) who, at the mere age of 17 thought it would be funny to record himself "ding ding dinging" on his PC, as a sort of "imitation" of his friends' 50cc mopeds... now, "Crazy Frog" has apparently earnt an estimated 10 million fricking quid for the company that bought the rights to the noise!!! Beware Mr Malmedahl, the end is fucking nigh!More Info!

On a final note, all donations to the Andy Needs A Holiday Fund more than welcome!!!

Randomness...

Instructions for cleaning the toilet:

1. Lift the lid on the toilet and fill it with 1/8 cup of animal shampoo.

2. Take the cat in your arms and stroke it gently while slowly moving in the direction of the toilet.

3. At a suitable moment, throw the cat into the toilet bowl and close the lid quickly and either stand or sit on the lid.

4. The cat will now start the cleaning process and will produce generate plenty of foam. Do not be concerned about the loud noises coming from the toilet; your cat is enjoying himself.

5. After several minutes flush the toilet to start the “Power-wash” pre-wash and then flush again for the main wash cycle.

6. Ask someone to open the front door and ensure that no-one is between the toilet and the front door.

7. Get off the toilet seat and from a safe distance open the toilet lid quickly. The cat will dry off naturally due to the high speed he will be moving from the toilet to the front door.

8. The toilet and the cat are now both clean.

With best wishes,

The Dog

Here's a few shots taken off my balcony late last week... seems pollution is good for something after all. Click for enlarging. And if you're interested leave me a message and I'll email you the full sized pic (2048x1536)

Directions:

1.Starting from anywhere in UK, get in your car.
2.Get to Heathrow Airport.
3.Catch flight from London Heathrow to Dallas Fort Worth Airport.
4.Hire car at Dallas Fort Worth Airport.
5.Start going toward the "Airport Exit" on "International
ParkwaySouth" - follow for 0.2 miles.
6.Bear left onto the highway toward "Terminal East Parking" - followfor 0.3 miles
7.Bear left onto "International Parkway North" toward "North
AirportExit" - follow for 2.9 miles
8.Take the "Highway 114 west" exit toward "Fort Worth" - follow for29.2 miles
9.Then continue on "US 287 north" - follow for 91.1 miles
10."US 287 north" becomes "Interstate-44 east" - follow for 0.7 miles
11.Take left fork onto "US-287 north" toward "Vernon" - follow for104.0 miles
12."US 287 north" becomes "Avenue F (US-287)" - follow for 2.8 miles
13.Continue to follow "US 287 north" - follow for 104.9 miles
14.Take left ramp onto "Interstate 40 west" toward "Dumas" - follow for7.8 miles
15.Take "Exit 70" onto "US 60 east" toward "Dumas" - follow for 0.5miles
16.Take the "Buchanan Street" exit toward "Dumas/Pampa" - follow for1.7 miles
17.Turn right onto "Old Route 66 (Interstate 40)" - follow for 0.1miles
18.Arrive at the centre of "Amarillo, Texas"

Now everyone stop singing the fucking song as we have all had enough.

Symantec Web Security Ayy?

Click for bigness

So, Symantec Web Security reckons I swear too much ayy?? Well SWS can go ram a rather large fucking cactus up it's arse for all I care! If it doesn't like words like CUNT, FUCK, SHIT, ARSE, TWAT and BINT, that's it's (and those behind it's GAY, FAGGOTTY protection's) problem!


Rant Over...
End Transmission...
ETC

Sunshine, lollypops and rainbows

everything, that's wonderful is what I feel when, we're together... brighter than a pretty penny... Et-fuckin-cetera.

So, lets have a look at the life scale at the moment shall we, starting off with the fact that we are gonna judge it out of 100... see below!



This sore throat has gone on long enough, and mind over matter ain't really pulling through, neither is drinking it away, so I might have to go see a doc if it doesn't clear!

In other news, could this be the final prototype of the upcoming xbox 360, which is due to be advertised for the first time on a Microshaft/MTV joint launch party type thing:



And is that an EYEtoy-esque camera I see?

Seven Sins who I gave a good mention to here quite a while ago are gigging again on Saturday night. Those who like rock and metal, get your rear's to SaxII for 10/10:30 to see Quid Pro Quo kick off, followed by Murder Of Crows, and then Seven Sins till the early hours of Sunday! Be there, or be a very regular quadrilateral!

Other music I have been enjoying recently:

• Moby's new album "Hotel" especially "Lift Me Up"


• Daft Punk have a new album out, and we are certainly liking "Robot Rock" off "Human After All"


• The Coral have a new single out called "In The Morning" Only heard it on MTV and the radio so far, but you can catch a sample of the music vid at Video-C if you don't know what I'm on about.

And breathe...

So, I've calmed down a bit since this morning's rant, but I'm afraid I have some very bad news. With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Kokey", died peacefully at age 93. Reports say the most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in, and then the trouble started.

Came across some really funny slogans here. It's come up with such gems as:

"Promise Her Anything, But Give Her Andy."
"Sweet as the Moment When the Her Cherry Went "Pop" "
"Absolut Cunt"

Great fun!!

Even with my anti-apple mentality, and especially, anti "look at me im such a fashion guru with my stupid white headphones" people, I was playing with Shiv's ipod yesterday, and today, kinda fixing it/putting music on it for her, and ya know what... (this is gonna fucking hurt!)... they're actually... quite...................
.
..
...
....
.....
......
.......
........
......... nice! THERE I SAID IT! I would actually like an IPod, and I'm probably gonna save up and get myself one. What is the world coming to?!?!?!

Have a good weekend boys 'n' girls!

Screw You Micro$haft!

Today, I have a beef. A rather large bloody beef, and I’m not talking about a side of cow either, I’m getting rather fucking miffed at:

Windows Server 2003 is the most productive infrastructure platform for powering connected applications, networks, and Web services from the workgroup to the data center. Easy to deploy, manage, and use, Windows Server 2003 helps you build a secure IT infrastructure that provides a powerful application platform for quickly building connected solutions and an information worker infrastructure for enhanced communication and collaboration anytime and anywhere.

Ahh, right, so explain why the upgrade to 2k3 is such a bitch, from any other Server OS? Huh? HUH MR GATES AND MR BALMER?!?!?! COZ IT’S TOTAL WANK! And as for your bloody help system, don’t get me started:

Click for big-ness

Some fucking good that was ayy? How about the messages you do give me help on:


They take me to a page with a whole load of instructions, which I follow, word for word, then, I get to the bottom of the page and it says:

APPLIES TO

• Microsoft Windows XP
• Microsoft Windows Tablet Edition

Now, if you browse the bloody Help and Support application, on a Windows Server 2003 box, does it not make sense TO ONLY PROVIDE HELP FOR THAT OS WHEN LOOKING FOR A SPECIFIC ERROR YOU STUPID MONOPOLISTIC SONS OF BITCHES!?!?!?!



Why don't you go get cream pied again? ARSEHOLE!







TTFN! Signed:

One PISSED OF ADMIN!

Valui ad satanam in computatrum meum invocandum

Wow, been a while hasn't it boys n girls, guys n girls, ladies n gents, etc etc. To say work has been rather hectic is a bit of an understatement, add to this, that every office has a some meddling busy body, who needs to throw his/her oar in whenever they feel would be the absolute worst possible moment, and yours truly ends up looking a wee bit like this:



Now, not being religious and all that (see this post, imagine my supprise, when I stumbled across a good prayer for my present situation:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I cannot accept,
and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people
I had to kill today because they ticked me off.

So I've been working my arse off, rehearsing and performing in Gibraltar's entry to this years Navy Drama Festival (dramatised version of Pride and Prejudice), which had nominations for:

Best Set - George Surrey and Ken Benton
Best Voice - Edward Macquisten

And received the following awards:

Best Hair and Wigs - Rosanna Wils and Jackie
Best Newcomer - Scott Russell (Mr. Collins)
Best Actress - Jacqui McGuire (Elizabeth Bennett)
and Margaret Seed (Mrs.Bennett)

Even better, we were the overall runner-up, don't know who won, but by Jove didn't we do well.

Any of you seen these women offering advertising space on parts of their bodies on eBay? Well, this woman will do it for free!! Crazy assed shit if you ask me!

Right, gonna get to work. Break finished.

I will write more when inspired, for now, I must concentrate.
TTFN!